Top 10 Recap

Blugunion is sadly over, but here is a follow up to the results of the original top ten list:

10. Church St. got a new-fangled "digital" jukebox that ate up $2 just to play Lionel Richie
9. I got my blonde bombshell all over my engagement ring, then proceeded to lick it off
8. The Rodburos have decided to tear down Church Street, rather than drink there
7. We took a very classy video on the front porch of Blue Lagoon after we were greeted with so much love from the current girls who live there
6. Colleen managed to find her way back to the elms at around 5:30am
5. U-shop no longer does shots (spurring the phrase:"How. I Mallory. I come from time of smoke in bar")
4. Not neccessary after Friday night shennanigans at Elms between 3 and 4am
3. Mal and Colleen both left their cards at Church St.
2. I felt old enough to be a Freshman's mother
1. This would have been completely appropriate after Friday night's events.

Slideshow coming soon - need the banana suit pics first!

xoxo

Top 10 Things I want to do at Blugunion

10. Play one of our songs on the olde Church St. Jukebox

9. Eat a Blonde Bombshell at Bagel & Deli

8. Run into one of the Rodburos at Church St

7. Roll around on the front lawn of Blue Lagoon

6. Rescue colleen from the front lawn of Blue Lagoon when she tries to sleep there again

5. Take a shot at U-Shop

4. Erotic Photo Hunt

3. Not leave my credit card at a bar.

2. Convince a freshman I'm old enough to be his mother.

1. Start a late-night at Blue Lagoon without their permission and order 20 cases of beer to the house, and then sneak off like it never happened.

Separated At Birth

Left: Tini in her glory days

Right: Will Ferrell as Harry Caray

BULL MARKET - Please click on the image below.

BSpears (BRSP): FY3Q09 Outlook: Bullish

Katherine Johnson and Mallory Middaugh (C.P.A) = Cerified Public Assholes.

We believe the upcoming quarter for Miss Spears will be a slight beat and raise relative to the Street estimates. This quarter, BRSP (S&P ticker) has thus far beat expectations. Her stock is up ~13% since August 1st, in direct correlation to the numbers logged on the T-Mill at Bally's LAX and the removal of mind altering substances/ frappes. If you'll note from our estimates, BRSP peaked in 2003 VMA season to fall to record lows in FY1Q05 following a slight deviation from previously recorded behavior. This revenue drop was a contribution of investors losing confidence due to panty peaks, pregnancy, KFC, KFED, red bull, gas stations, PHilton, and rehab. However, BRSP has gained operational momentum due to her financial estate being turned over to Jamie Spears, relative father figure. While we don't think the BRSP has the ability to break out of the current revenue cycle patterns of such erradic behavior, we believe with the proper diet, exercise regime, and electric fencing, Miss. Spears has shot of emerging on top this quarter.

Love it

"Head to the dollar store, buy a package of baby socks and some double. sided. tape."

hint: let this one load for a few...

Dr. FeelNotSoGood

caution:

The Worst OBGYN Appt. in the History of the World.

**This story is 100% true and happened last evening to yours truly at 7:00pm CT.

So, I schedule my yearly pap yesterday at 4:00pm. I'm thinking its gonna be pretty standard, ya know? You go in....they do their job and you have uncomfortable conversation while they (usually she....) conduct tests to your Britney that make you want to rip their head off and use as a volleyball... but instead you answer, "Yeah, yeah Cubs are good this season....". So as I wait in my little medical gown 3 hours pass by and I am growing a little impatient. I don't complain though bc I think I have a really good doctor and I am sure she is just next door being as thorough and as gutch-wrenchingly honest as she is with me. So as I sit there, catching up on USWeekly giggling to myself about the possible future VP having a bastard grandkid of a man whose name is also a brand of jeans sold at KMart....when in he walks.....Dr. McDreamy.

My normal doctor is a blonde, 50 something, peppy little woman, Dr. Hubka....this is 6ft, tan, Christian Bale -esque, crystal blue eyed...not Dr. Hubka. He introduces himself as "Justin." I immediately think this face looks somehow familiar but I can't put my finger on it. So he proceeds,"Dr. Hubka will be in shortly but I will be doing all your pre-lims today. Mallory, what brings you in today??" Now normally when this type of situation is presented to me, I'd think of something irressitably charming like "Not much, I'm practically perfect" or "my Britney smells like fresh -baked cookies, is that a problem?"...however, I just recently got back on the pill and have been having some concerning symptoms that are too scary to ignore. So instead of playing it coy with Dr. Feelgood, I let it all rip. I go into every gory and horrifying detail of my menstrual cycle. We are just about to the solid, liquid, or gas part of the program when I take a glance at his nametag...."Dr. Justin Koenig." Hmmm....come to think of it he does bare an uncanny resemblance to my friend Brandon Koenig from Indiana who I used to be a camp counselor with....I brush this thought aside.... NO way, too unlikely, Chicago is a HUGE city. I can't possibly be talking about Y infection symptoms with a distant relative of a boy I used to make out with at summer camp......

So, I leave the doctor feeling legally violated as one always does at the OBGYN and go home to take my "Crying Game" shower.....

This morning I can't shake the feeling that somehow this man and I have a six degrees of Kevin Bacon connection somehow. Sure enough I hunt him dow on FaceBook and we have one common friend...Brandon Koenig....his little brother.

Yes ladies, it's true, your vagina isn't safe anywhere.

Green Ba-be!

Here's a question for you...

if you were a burrito, would you eat yourself?

Fetch me if you can

Mal "fetch" Middaugh-- it's her birthday and she'll dance if she wants to

when drinking goes wrong...

when yogging goes wrong...

nice yogging!

Separated At Birth

Left: Boston Ben Franklin
Right: Lagoon Ben Franklin