Dr. FeelNotSoGood

caution:

The Worst OBGYN Appt. in the History of the World.

**This story is 100% true and happened last evening to yours truly at 7:00pm CT.

So, I schedule my yearly pap yesterday at 4:00pm. I'm thinking its gonna be pretty standard, ya know? You go in....they do their job and you have uncomfortable conversation while they (usually she....) conduct tests to your Britney that make you want to rip their head off and use as a volleyball... but instead you answer, "Yeah, yeah Cubs are good this season....". So as I wait in my little medical gown 3 hours pass by and I am growing a little impatient. I don't complain though bc I think I have a really good doctor and I am sure she is just next door being as thorough and as gutch-wrenchingly honest as she is with me. So as I sit there, catching up on USWeekly giggling to myself about the possible future VP having a bastard grandkid of a man whose name is also a brand of jeans sold at KMart....when in he walks.....Dr. McDreamy.

My normal doctor is a blonde, 50 something, peppy little woman, Dr. Hubka....this is 6ft, tan, Christian Bale -esque, crystal blue eyed...not Dr. Hubka. He introduces himself as "Justin." I immediately think this face looks somehow familiar but I can't put my finger on it. So he proceeds,"Dr. Hubka will be in shortly but I will be doing all your pre-lims today. Mallory, what brings you in today??" Now normally when this type of situation is presented to me, I'd think of something irressitably charming like "Not much, I'm practically perfect" or "my Britney smells like fresh -baked cookies, is that a problem?"...however, I just recently got back on the pill and have been having some concerning symptoms that are too scary to ignore. So instead of playing it coy with Dr. Feelgood, I let it all rip. I go into every gory and horrifying detail of my menstrual cycle. We are just about to the solid, liquid, or gas part of the program when I take a glance at his nametag...."Dr. Justin Koenig." Hmmm....come to think of it he does bare an uncanny resemblance to my friend Brandon Koenig from Indiana who I used to be a camp counselor with....I brush this thought aside.... NO way, too unlikely, Chicago is a HUGE city. I can't possibly be talking about Y infection symptoms with a distant relative of a boy I used to make out with at summer camp......

So, I leave the doctor feeling legally violated as one always does at the OBGYN and go home to take my "Crying Game" shower.....

This morning I can't shake the feeling that somehow this man and I have a six degrees of Kevin Bacon connection somehow. Sure enough I hunt him dow on FaceBook and we have one common friend...Brandon Koenig....his little brother.

Yes ladies, it's true, your vagina isn't safe anywhere.